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My brother, Jared ... I don't even know how to put into words just how much I miss him. There just seems to be a major void in my heart that will stay empty forever. Though knowing Jared, he would want me to keep on living to the fullest, of which I am trying to do. He not only was a wonderful brother, but he was also a friend to me. Jared and I are 14 months apart in age. From hearing stories from my mom when I was young (too young to remember those memories) he was jelous of me when I was born, but at the same time he loved being a big brother to me. Growing up I was pretty lucky, I had two brothers (Jared & Jeff) and then at age 12, I gained two step-brothers (Jeff H. and Jim). What else could a girl ask for ... to have 4 great brothers and to be the youngest and the only girl. LOL !!!! Yeah, it had its downsides to it, but it also brough a lot of great memories. |
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Since Jared's death on February 22, 2006 ... I have been overflowed with so many memories of Jared. If I wrote them all down, it would be a novel. However, I will narrow it to a few. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a benefit concert to honor my brother, Jared. At this concert there was a Silent Auction of different items donated by different companies. One of the items was an electric guitar. Immediately I found myself remembering about how Jared would get so mad at me when I would go into his room and try to play his electric guitar. Low and behold I wasn't as good as he was and usually I'd break a string or two. Of course being the wonderful sister that I am, I never would tell him that I broke a string or two ...I'd just put the guitar back on its stand and go on with my business. Jared was smart , he'd figure it out. I can see Jared now, looking down at me and just shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
On a different note. Today my husband and I went to the local mall to do some shopping. After shopping we headed to the food court with our two little ones. My husband, without knowing it, did something perfect. He picked a table near the ice rink that was next to the food court. The reason this touched my heart was because it brought on a wondeful memory. When I was in elementary school, my Mom, Joan (a family friend), Jared and I went to Houston, Texas to see some of my Mom's family. During our visit, it was the first and maybe only time that my brother and I didn't fight at all. Why?, I couldn't tell you. One day we went to one of the local Malls in Houston and at this Mall they had an indoor, public ice rink. It was the first time that any of us had ever seen one inside of a Mall, it was pretty cool. I remember Jared and I skating around. I remember me falling all the time and honestly I don't think he fell once. My Mom's friend, Joan, died a few years after that trip after batteling cancer for quite sometime. I know that she met Jared at the gates of Heaven with open arms.
As I got older, Jared and I fought more and more ... but we loved each other so much. I think a lot of it was because we were so close in age. I always wanted to play with him and his friends. And of course, he didn't want his little sister tagging along. What would get him real upset, was when his friends would say it was okay that I came along. I was pretty good at laying on the guilt trip and his friends seemed to always fall for it.
Once I was out of High School and doing more things for myself, that's when I noticed Jared was my protector. Being the only girl and the youngest in the family, I always was being protected by all 4 brothers. However, Jared was different, he did it silently or when I wasn't looking. Of course he'd never come right out and tell me, but I could tell by his actions to when my feelings got hurt or something would happen to me. On one incident, I had gotten into a pretty bad disagreement with another family member. Jared followed me back to my apartment and very casually told me not to worry about it and that everything would turn out okay. Sure enough it did. In college, I would do some pretty stupid stuff and Jared was always the one to tell me I was being stupid. Back then it drove me nuts, but I'd do anything to hear him tell me that again. In December 2000 I had a taumatic event happen to me. At first some family members judged me, but Jared was the one that stayed silent. Though I never doubted he was upset about the situation, he wanted to punish the other person. This was even before he was a police officer. In a sense, Jared helped me get through the situation. Jared was always the strong one, emotionally ... part of the reason he was such a great man was because he always held his own ... he knew what he wanted in life and what he didn't, and for that I admired him. It took me two years after that incident, but I came out stronger than I did prior to it. Though some people may think it was because Jared was stubborn and I know for a fact that I definitely am. But if you really knew Jared, you'd know that when he wanted something, he'd make sure to get it. For that we all loved him dearly. |
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I am married to a wonderful man that I am so thankful had the chance to know Jared as well as we all knew him. In fact we got married on May 28th, 2005 and Jared was one of our ushers. He always did look sharp in a tux. My husand and he formed a special bond and I'm so happy for that. Unfortunately my son is only 2 years old so he really won't have any memories of Jared on his own, but we will tell him all about his Uncle as he is growing up. It's weird, Jared was a great uncle but he wasn't usually close to kids ... more of an animal lover. Though when I went into labor with my first child, my son, Aaron ... Jared was the first one to show up at the hospital, despite Aaron being born at 1:34 A.M. Then I went into premature labor with my second child, he was the first one and the only family member (other than my Mom and husband) to show up at the hospital. He never had a chance to meet my daughter, but she will know him ... through the many stories I will tell her.
On Sunday, February 5th, 2006 I and the other family members here in Colorado Springs joined Jared and his wife Natalie at my brother Jeff's house to celebrate Jared's 30th birthday and to watch the Super Bowl. It was a day filled with laughter and shouting at the TV as we watched the game on Jeff's big screen TV. My husband and I had gotten him the adapter for his Playstation so that up to 4 people could play at the same time. I remember when he opened the gift, he said "cool" and then a pause and then he said .."what is it?" We all laughed. Of course once he found out what it was, he was excited. He said he'd no longer have to ask Jeff to bring his adapter to family functions. His wife, Natalie, gave him a Star Wars toy that he had apparently been wanting. For as long as I can remember, Jared has always LOVED Star Wars. I guess more like obsessed with it. Someone had taken a wonderful picture of him holding up that toy and that picture is sitting in my daughters's room.. He had his genuine smile.
Seventeen days after Jared celebrated his 30th birthday, he died a HERO. 22 hours after that my husband and I welcomed into the world our 2nd child on February 23rd ... a daughter who is named after her Uncle ... Faith JS. The JS stands for Jared Scott. It is ironic that we had already picked out the name Faith prior to ever knowing that any of this was going to happen, but it fits. Because in order for me to get through this, I need my faith in God and I need my "Faith." She has been a blessing to both her Mommy and her Daddy, but also to other family members as well. I see parts of Jared in her already and I am sure he is smiling down on her.
And so I end this, just like others do too, I miss him greatly. I have been fortunate enough to have Jared in my dreams. Along with feeling his presence with me ... usually on the days that are really tough. I have found myself on different times turning around because it felt as if someone was touching my shoulder. At first this scared the daylights out of me, but then I realized it was my brother ... letting me know he was still with us.
Jared, some day I will join you in Heaven ... but for ight now I have my family that I need to keep living for. Your neice and nephew (my two kids) will know everything about you. I wish that you would have had a chance to meet Faith. But actually in a sense maybe you did. Despite dealing with your loss, she was born a healthy little girl who topped all the tests that are taken in the hospital. I think you kept her safe.
I LOVE YOU JARED !!!! |
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