A Brother's Love

     "There is so much more I want to talk about and one day we'll have that chance and the pain will go away. But untill then, Jared, I miss you more than I can explain in words and my mourning band will never come off.  You have touched so many people, more than you could have ever imagined, Jared. I love you bro.

Fallen, but Never Forgotten"


          Jared’s brother, Jeff

Jared, I miss you. It's hard to even find different words but that was the great thing about us, we didn't need them. We both knew where we stood on everything so why talk about it. I was just as content sitting, like we did on February 19th, watching the Daytona 500 and drinking a few beers. Most of the time, like at parties or family get togethers, I knew exactly what you were thinking by the way you looked at me, like "let's go play Playstation" or something else to get us out of the crowd. I have to tell people all of the time that I just didn't lose a brother, but also my best friend.

     It bothers me that I can't remember the little things, but it's not for lack of trying. Like the exact words or conversations or dates that certain things happened on, but at least I have memories of times we had together and new ones hit me all the time. Some of them I talk about, others are just for me. There are people telling stories about our camping trip as if they were there themselves. I love that. Still the best trip I have ever taken or ever will take,.. bar none. Everything from the "wolf" story, to the "holy crap I forgot a change of underwear and my sleeping bag" story and in between makes me smile. We were lucky to have made it through that trip. Two city kids pretending to be hard core campers but man, we did it. Remember how we would hike those unbelievably heavy packs for hours up hill without saying a word but if we stopped and took a break, we both knew what we were thinking and would start talking as if we were continuing a conversation? Getting lost in the meadow, your artsy flower and camp stove reflection pictures, your socks hanging outside the tent driving away the wildlife, stuff like that will live on.

     Growing up we shared some bad but had way more good times together. Sharing a room goes in the good category. All of those nights growing up when you'd have a bad dream or I couldn't sleep and we'd just sit there and talk. A lot about Star Wars, sometimes about what type of superhero we'd be or what we would buy if we were rich. Again, those bring a smile. How I had to translate for you because even Mom and Dad didn't know what you were trying to say sometimes. I never minded that, even when we were young, because it was yet another example of the bond that we had. I loved being your big brother. Gave me purpose because I looked at it as a responsibility, so that alone kept me out of a lot of trouble because I knew you were watching. You taught me a lot, then, as an adult and now about life. Like dedication.

     You had a passion for acting and dedicated yourself to the art. You trained as hard or harder than I have ever seen anyone train for anythng. As a kid you endured long hours of rehersals and never complained about it because you knew if you worked at it you would succeed and boy did you. You became an amazing actor. You could have gone as far as you wanted to but again, that's how you defined yourself apart from others. You weren't willing to "stoop" or do things that others might have to do to become professional actors because you were dedicated to the art, not the fame. I know it was a tough call for you but like we talked about, you wanted to stay true to yourself and you did.

     You were a natural comedian without having to take a single class. No one could make me laugh like you. Whether on the stage or burping in Kyle's ear during the telephone game, you had a gift. I loved how you would even surprise yourself with a funny joke and you'd start laughing out loud. Thankfully, I can still hear those. The funny memories are starting to come back but not quick enough.

     So you said you wanted to be a cop. I remember thinking that wasn't a good idea. That was for selfish reasons, because I knew at the time, like everyone else does now, that it is dangerous and I had a hard enough time worrying about you in L.A. and Chicago. But the more we talked about it I realized that you had put a lot of thought into it and researched it, so quickly it became apparent to me that you were going to dedicate yourself to being the best cop you could.

     When you were in the Academy, a lot of people who knew both of us would come up to me and ask if we were blood brothers or step brothers. I would laugh because I knew what they were going to say. They would say "he's so serious" and I would explain that you just appeared that way because they didn't know you. You were the consumate professional when it came to learning police work. Your uniform and training equipment had to be Marine Corp polished and pressed, your answers had to be direct and to the point and there was no time for small talk. But I knew that was because of the mindset you had taken, just like you did regarding acting, in order to prepare yourself for the role of police officer. For you though, it was more than a role, like you said, it gave you purpose.

     Immediately after your graduation ceremony, it was as if a prayer was answered. We were back, brother and brother. We weren't sharing a bedroom but we were again living close by one another and would be working together. Needless to say, I was again, proud. You definitely developed a good reputation on your own as a beat cop and did so quickly. I was always getting compliments about how my little brother had chased some gang banger down or gotten into a tussle with a drunk and won or in some other way had taken care of business. I know every time after you hit the streets, you and I would sit and talk cop stuff and everyone would look at us like were depressing them but again, it strengthened the bond that we had that other people just couldn't understand. I know we talked a lot about what we each thought about what it takes to be a good cop and I also know I never told you what kind of a cop I thought you were. Well, Jared, you were one of the best. Not just because of the heroic way in which you died but because of how you worked each shift. How every crime to you was deserving of punishment, no matter how far down the scale the offense was. To you, and again like you said, "A bandit is a bandit" and you're right, thay are. But what I never had the chance to tell you was how proud I am of the cop you had become. How you had traits that I only dreamed of having and how you impressed the hell out of me with how you conducted yourself. The quote "Evil Prospers When Good Men Do Nothing" sums up to me how on the fateful day you stared the devil himself in the eye and said "You're coming with me." Your actions and ultimate sacrifice will have untold benefits to others, but have left so many of us down here in ruins. We will go on, we have to, but know that your legacy as a husband, son, brother, uncle, man and cop will live forever.

     I know we have had a lot of one-sided conversations lately but know I'm trying. I'm trying to do what I think you would want done and what should be done. There is so much more I want to talk about and one day we'll have that chance and the pain will go away. But, until then, Jared, I miss you more that I can explain in words and my mourning band will never come off. You have touched so many people, more than you could have ever imangined, Jared. I love you, bro.

"Fallen, but Never Forgotten "

      Jeff Jensen